


Dear Dean

by Enamourous



Series: Letters [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-12
Updated: 2013-01-12
Packaged: 2017-11-25 04:34:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/635166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enamourous/pseuds/Enamourous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam gives up, and Dean wants to follow</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Dean

**Author's Note:**

> One day I will stop writing suicide fics. But today is apparently not that day.

_ Dean, _

_ The only reason I’m leaving a note is because I know you’ll never forgive yourself if I don’t. _

_ Before I say anything else I want to tell you I’m sorry. Because I know that you’ll be disappointed. But I guess that’s why I’m here to begin with. Seems like I can’t do much of anything anymore without disappointing you. _

_ I know you might not believe me but all the fuck ups I made were because I was trying to do something good.  I guess it’s just that I’ve always belonged to the devil right? And a demon can’t work miracles no matter how hard they try. _

_ I finally understand some things now. You know how you’ve told me all our lives that there’s no escaping what we are? That there’s no chance of ever living a normal life? Well I think I finally get it Dean. You’ve been right all this time. The future I’ve always wanted isn’t ahead of me, no matter how hard I try to imagine it is. _

_ I know that we aren’t who we were when we were kids.  I know I drag you down.You and I just don’t work together like we used to anymore. I’ve always been a freak but you always made a place for me, I always felt like I belonged next to you. But I guess I’ve just fucked things over too much to deserve that anymore. I guess that means there’s really no place for me at all. _

_ I hope for your sake that I don’t see you again. I don’t want you to have to suffer hell ever again because of me. _

_ I know you’re gonna want to blame yourself for this but listen to me when I say just don’t. You’ve tried too hard all your life trying to save me when I couldn’t be saved all along. I blame myself. Never you Dean. You always did everything you could. _

_ Remember that time we drank a couple of beers on the hood of the impala after we ganked that harpy in Tucson? You told me that that was exactly where you were supposed to be. That you knew then that you’d never be happy if you couldn’t pull out a couple of beers and watch the stars with me at the end of the day. You were drunk so you probably don’t remember it but I do. And I never told you this but even though I’ve never wanted to be a hunter like you do, I could never be happy if I couldn’t have that either. _

_ It took me all these years to realize that I’ve always been running in the wrong direction. That I was already where I belonged. I just regret that it took me until everything changed for me to get that. _

_ If we could go back to how things were before I messed it up I would in a second. But we can’t. And that’s why I’m saying goodbye. _

_ I’ve been hanging onto the amulet ever since you threw it out. I thought you might like to have it back before I go. _

_ So I guess this is it then. I just want you to remember that you never stopped being the hero I thought you were when we were kids. I’m sorry I couldn’t be a little more like you. _

_ Love Sam _


End file.
